With the intramural Texas Hold ‘Em tournament in full swing, I’m reminded of these words of wisdom: “Poker? I don’t even know her.”

Since sports can teach us so much about life, love and basketball, let’s see what else happened since we last talked.

The start of UTD’s cross country season coincided with the release of a new nationwide survey analyzing speed of runners and quality of life.

The survey conclusively stated that fast girls have better times.

UTD volleyball is making big strides in gaining conference respectability.

The Comets followed their first-ever game victory over Austin College with three straight tournament match wins Sept. 17 and 18, including two over ASC foes.

How huge is that winning streak? Consider this, it took the Cowboys four and a half seasons before they won three in a row.

While we are talking about volleyball, maybe somebody can explain this to me.

In the Comets’ first match, they faced the Texas Wesleyan Lady Rams.

Help me out here. Isn’t a ram by definition a male sheep? It would be like calling a team the Texas Wesleyan Manly Women, which, coincidentally, describes the team fairly well. At least I know what a Lady Comet looks like.

I think it was old Joe Stalin who said, “One death is a tragedy, a million is a statistic.”

Well, I say, “One nerd sitting in front of his computer and tracking the stats of individual NFL players is sad, but the existence of 10 million such fantasy football nerds makes the nasty habit almost cool.”

It’s kind of wordy, I know, but I’ll work on my brevity when I seize power in Russia.

Ten million people playing a “sport” online does raise an interesting question, however. Is it inappropriate to call Peyton Manning my fantasy “homeboy”?

The UTD men’s soccer team puts the OT in “not quite,” dropping its first two matches in overtime.

I don’t know about you, but after playing 90 minutes of regulation, I’d be thinking less golden goal and more Golden Corral.

Both soccer teams faced very tough Trinity counterparts Sept. 10 and 11, and came away from the matches with losses.

The games really weren’t fair. Looking at the Trinity roster, I could have sworn they had one player named Neo and a handful named Agent Smith.

I’ve got a solution for turning around the free-falling Rangers. Win 12 in a row like the Astros. That puts you back in the wild-card race like nothing else. Oh, yeah, and the Rangers should also learn how to pitch.

Who saw the Rangers game against Oakland that featured some Texas relievers getting into a brawl with A’s fans?

If you’re like me, you’re thinking, why can’t Frank Francisco throw his fastball like he threw that chair into the stands.

Who says flag football is a non-contact sport? On the opening night of intramural competition I was felled by a broken thumb that will keep me out of action for six weeks.

As I go into surgery, I would really appreciate if you wouldn’t remind me that three-time NFL MVP Brett Favre played all of the 2003 season with a broken thumb.

Before I go, let me say that I hope you will be as happy as I am this next week. They prescribed me Vicodin.