A wise man once said, “Time flies like an arrow and fruit flies like a banana,” and never has that been more accurate. Can you believe it’s been 14 weeks since we last talked? And more importantly, can you believe fruit flies really will infest your apartment if you leave one measly piece of fruit on the counter.

Well, folks, believe it.

And believe this. The summer has been packed full of sporting moments worthy of mention.

So listen closely.

I’m sure you heard about this one. Former UT running back Ricky Williams watched his career go up in smoke as he unexpectedly retired from the Miami Dolphins after only five years in the NFL. Now, I didn’t hear the whole report, but I think he quit because of arthritis. I do remember ESPN saying that he had a problem with joints. Dolphins’ officials refused to comment on the grass stains found on his jersey.

Since 2004 is divisible by four, you know what that means – election year. But more importantly, it means it’s Olympics time. Was it really four years ago that every reference to the Games included the phrase, “G’day, mate?”

By a show of hands, how many of you think Bob Costas sounds like an elitist Brit every time he says, “…the Games of the 28th Olympiad”? I mean, who talks like that?

Speaking of the Olympics, did you see the mascot? It’s a life-size syringe with running shoes named Dopey.

Everybody write your Congressman. I know it will be awkward squeezing another star on that flag of ours, but there is no better time to annex the oft-called 51st state Puerto Rico.

Then, maybe they won’t embarrass us in international competition.

Did you know Puerto Rico is Spanish for “whip the U.S. basketball team by 19 at the Olympics?”

Who saw that game? The best players from the world’s best league were dominated by a rag-tag bunch of guys from a Commonwealth smaller than New Hampshire. And you thought the Lakers had problems?

That talk of turnovers coming from the Cowboys’ training camp isn’t just about their mistakes in the red zone. It’s personnel turnover at the two most important offensive positions.

Quarterback Quincy Carter was cut for allegedly failing a drug test (again) and will be replaced by Vinny Testaverde, who was in the league before some of you freshmen were born. Don’t worry, if Vinny goes down, his backup is a guy who hasn’t thrown a pass since his senior year at Michigan in 2000.

The man who replaced the most prolific running back in NFL history was himself replaced by the 1-2 punch of a 31-year-old veteran who was cut by the Titans and a 5’9″ rookie from Notre Dame.

And we wonder how the Texans beat us 18-0 in our first exhibition game?

Former UTD pitcher Tony Adler didn’t last long playing professionally in the rookie league. Instead, now he’s playing Class A ball in the Astros’ farm system where he has amassed a 3.20 ERA in 25 innings of relief work.

Meanwhile, former teammate, infielder Mike Biguenet, is taking his cuts for the California League-leading Lancaster JetHawks.

Adler and Biguenet may be gone, but those who still remain have high hopes for next season. In fact, everyone I talk to thinks this year will be the most successful season for UTD since last year.