Testing, testing, hello … is this thing on?

It has been one wild and crazy end to the softball and baseball seasons – so let’s get to it.

UTD’s softball ladies were crowned second place in the world after dropping the championship game to East Texas Baptist (ETBU). And yes, by the world, I mean the American Southwest Conference.

The final game was on May 1 – the day of the Kentucky Derby – so maybe that’s why I had ponies on the brain. But I couldn’t help noticing that at least two ETBU players looked like horses and weighed about as much.

I’m sorry, that comment was way out of line. They weighed more.

You know what I like most about talking trash at a softball game? The under-handed remarks.

As I sat watching the game, a mere 48 hours before my final final, I realized that my academic focus is a bit off. Do you know how fast I would give up molecular biology if there was a softball groupie major?

Tied with Mary Hardin-Baylor in the fourth inning of the elimination game, the Comets called on their dominant freshman pitcher.

Now I’m not really good with nicknames – ask my kid brother – but I think I have a good one. How does this sound? Daci “Why Did You Even Bother Showing Up To Bat Against Me Today But Since You Did I Am Going To Strike Out Nine of the Eleven Batters I Face” DeLeon. It’s a work in progress, but I think it has potential.

By a show of hands, how many of you find yourselves daydreaming in class, thinking “what if?” as in “what if the Energizer Bunny procreated with a spark plug?” Well, fear not, I have the answer. You would end up with senior outfielder Shaunna Lawrence.

On the men’s side, UTD’s baseball team fell in the conference championship game to McMurry. That just adds more support to the widely-held belief that first is the worst and second is the best.

No honestly, I’m happy for McMurry. After all, they need something to take their thoughts off the painful reminder that they live and go to school in Abilene. I mean, it’s like College Station with more hicks.

McMurry pitcher Nick Schafer limited UTD to two runs on nine hits. Hmmm…Nick Schafer, help me out here. Isn’t he the co-star of that unbelievably awful “Newlyweds” show? I guess if he can put up with Jessica Simpson, he can put up with UTD batters.

For the second straight year, the Comets lost in the league title game. On an unrelated note, rumors have it that UTD is looking to rename itself the Buffalo Bills.

All joking aside, this is a huge accomplishment for our young program. To shore up first place in the East division entering the tournament, UTD swept nationally-ranked Mississippi College (MC). In the opener, junior left-handed pitcher Kevin McKnight turned out the McLights on MC.

Here’s a question for all you Israelis in the audience tonight. When the umpire of the championship game awarded first base to a McMurry batter on a close 3-2 pitch, was that a Ball Four Declaration? How else are you allowed to inhabit a patch of earth without doing anything?

And this, ladies and gentlemen and CS majors, brings us to the end of a very successful sports season for UTD. Be sure to tune in next year. Cue the fat lady.