13 years ago
Richard Voit

Based on the going rate in 10-10-220 commercials, two cents will only get me about a 24 second phone call, so I better make this quick.


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With the baseball season in full swing, I’m worried that two doubleheaders a weekend may start to wear on our guys. But don’t worry, I have a solution.

Instead of cutting back on the number of games we play, I say we just play fewer innings on offense. In fact, if we had batted in just the third and sixth innings all year, we would have outscored our opponents 81-67. Can you say domination?

Junior catcher Justin Price leads the Comets in stolen base attempts this season. Ten times this year he has felt like he could beat the catcher’s throw to second base, and looking at season stats, 60 percent of the time the Price is right.

Senior shortstop Laura Hatfield terrorized LeTourneau pitching, smacking six RBIs in the Comets’ softball doubleheader. I couldn’t quite tell who was on the mound for LeTourneau, but for some reason I think the back of her jersey said “McCoy.”

The UTD golf teams are enduring a rough stretch of their season, and I’m pretty sure I know why. The Comets can’t seem to win because they are taking too many strokes. Coincidentally, the song “I Can’t Win” is written and performed by The Strokes.

Both Comet tennis teams leapt to the top of the American Southwest Conference East division with victories over Austin College (AC), and you know what? I’m not surprised.

Do you think it’s just coincidence that you can rearrange the letters in ‘UTD beats AC’ to spell ‘abduct East,’ like the Comets are doing to the division? I think not.

Check this out. Our men’s basketball team almost won the NCAA division III national championship. We lost to the team (Sul Ross State) who lost to the team (Lawrence) who lost to the team (Wisconsin-Stevens Point) who won it all. Does that mean we got fourth?

I think I’m going to quit. March 25, my editor sent me on assignment to cover what I thought was a 10-pin tournament that had Campbell’s chunky chicken as the grand prize. How was I supposed to know there was another kind of “Bowling for Soup”?

If you’re a college student or have a curly tail and a snout, you’re going to want to be at the 2004 Oozeball tournament.

The Student Ambassadors worked hard on arranging this and raised lots of money. The bulk of their cost -mud, almost $1,000 worth. That gives a new meaning to the phrase dirt cheap.

I can’t decide what my favorite tag line for the tournament is-“spike it like it’s punch” or “ooze your daddy.”

Whew. I’m out of breath. That’s a lot to say in 24 seconds. I’m going to go breathe now. Until next time…